Of Doctors and Captains
by witch-annie
Summary: Mal is in love and depressed. Simon finds out with whom and why.
1. Part One

Mal was sitting at in the pilot's chair. It was Wash's and Zoe's fourth wedding anniversary, and they had locked themselves up in their bunk in the morning, with huge amounts of food and alcohol, so he had been asked to take Wash's place, in case anything went wrong. Serenity was running on autopilot, anyway, so there was nothing he had to do.

He was a private sort of person, so he enjoyed moments like these – when nothing and no-one was bothering him, when all was wonderfully tranquil. Just the faint whirr of Serenity's engine, the glow of the various lamps and buttons, the regular beeping of the scanner.

'Captain?' a soft voice called, bringing him out of his reverie.

Mal turned to find that Simon was framed in the doorway.

'What is it, Doc?'

'Kaylee said you haven't eaten anything in the last two days. Just wanted to make sure you're okay.'

Mal grimaced – he really did not like it when the crew got all concerned about him. It made him feel like he was pitied. He didn't like being pitied. He was simply too proud.

'I'm fine Doc. Shinin', as Kaylee would say. A lot on my mind is all.'

'You're lying,' Simon slid into the co-pilot's seat.

'Excuse me?' a look of indignation flashed across Mal's face.

'Your eyes,' Simon smiled weakly, his lovely eyes remaining serious, 'they give it away. You act as though nothing is wrong, but your eyes have fear in them. Don't think I' prying, please, I – I just want to help.'

Mal smiled.

'Wasn't thinking you were prying, Doc -'

'Simon.'

'Huh?'

'Simon. My name is Simon. I'd like it if you called me that, seeing as everyone else does.'

'Okay, Simon.'

'You were saying something.'

'Oh. Yeah. Um, well, I'm not the person who's particularly good at confessions or anything. Never liked to speak about what I think and feel to anyone, don't like to throw my problems onto others, see. But you're right, somethin' has been bothering me. Kinda strange, really...'

Mal's voice trailed off into silence. Simon understood that the captain was trying to say something that was difficult to say. He had no idea how.

'Captain?' Simon said when the silence became slightly too long.

'Sorry. We haven't had a job in quite a long time, so -

'Is that what is bothering you? I mean, we have enough money, so - '

'No, it's not that. What I mean is, what with the lack of work, I've had time aplenty to think about my life and the people in it. And after a week of hard thinking I've decided that I – well – that I was – um – in love.'

Simon grinned.

'But that's wonderful! I agree that you need someone. Who is it? I -I'm sorry,' Simon said hurriedly, seeing the strange expression of embarrassment that contorted Mal's features, 'I really am meddling, my mouth ran away with me.'

'It's fine. I guess I should have made it known.'

'Does she know?'

'Well... no, I don't think so.'

'You should tell her!'

'You think so?'

'Captain -'

'Mal.'

'Mal. How can you begin a relationship if the girl doesn't know you love her? It's no use starving for her if she had no idea.'

'I guess you're right. So you really think -'

'Yes,' Simon said in exasperation.

'Okay,' Mal leant forward, and before Simon could realize what happened, before he could understand anything at all, the captain's lips met his.

At first, Simon was too shocked – a mild underestimation – to react. Then a whole mixture of thoughts and feelings flooded his short-circuiting mind. Realization. Mal – the beautiful, distant, brave Malcolm Reynolds, was in love with him. Surprise. Certainly, this was nothing anyone would have expected. Then he actually began to fell the warmth and softness of the lips that were upon his, the tenderness, hesitancy and vulnerability of the kiss.

Mal drew back, eyes wide and expecting, looking very much like a puppy who had been beaten too many times and was expecting yet another blow. To be frank, he was shocked at himself. What had made him so daring, he did not know, but he suspected it had been the proximity of the doctor, the intimacy of the moment, or maybe the brown eyes that had been looking at him. He did not know, for sure. He did not care.

'Mal...' Simon exhaled, releasing the breath he had not known he'd been holding.

'I'm sorry if I crossed the line. Maybe -'

'No,' Simon said, mind suddenly crystal-clear. 'No maybes. No uncertainty.'

'What?' Mal was lost.

'I've been waiting for this for too long to spend time on maybes and ifs.'

'What?' the kiss seemed to have somehow stopped his brain from working properly, for he really could not understand. Well, he could, to be honest. He just refused to.

'I was enamoured from the very first place I saw you. Remember, you stepped inside and seemed so cold towards me? I can even remember what you wore than day, the scent of mint and cinnamon you had about you.'

'I had no idea.'

'I was careful to hide my feelings. It was quite obvious you were in love with Inara and -'

'Nah, I never was. Not really, anyway. Thought I was, but a few days ago realized I was trying to distract myself from you. I never told you because of Kaylee.'

'Kaylee? What does she have to do with anything?'

'I thought you liked her, Simon.'

'I did. I do. But not romantically, you daft idiot. I love her like I love River – like a sister. She's an adorable girl, but that is all.'

'Oh,' Mal managed. He really had been blind. And stupid.

'My bunk, in an hour,' Simon said quickly, before the door slid open and Kaylee's head poked in.

'You okay, Cap? Si?'

'I'm fine,' Mal answered.

'K. You just look a little – flustered.'

'Captain,' Simon said, a little too loudly, 'I'll see you – um – later?'

Mal nodded, trying to suppress an excited grin. Simon placed a chaste kiss on Kaylee's cheek, and swept out of the control room.

When Mal entered Simon's bunk, he was expecting the full show. Candlelight, luxurious bedclothes, champagne – everything he knew Inara did for her customers. There was none of that. Just Simon, dozing fully dressed on his bed, and the dimmed light.

'Didn't think you would like the full-on seduction,' Simon muttered, rubbing his eyes. 'What took you so long?'

'Kaylee dragged me into the engine room and was ranting about how she needs a new synchronizer. I was so desperate to leave I actually promised her to buy a new one.'

'That's a change,' Simon commented with a wry smile. 'Come here.'

Mal, rather nervously, perched on the bed.

'Where's your sis?' he asked, just to say something.

'With Inara. They are doing some form of yoga, I think.'

'Nice. Next time she'll start teaching little River companion tricks and -' Mal did not finish, because Simon grabbed his face in both hands. Eager mouths met, at first unsure and then growing bolder as Simon's tongue slid into Mal's warm mouth and began the sensual, teasing caressing.

Mal's fingers, calloused from the hard labour and weapons, wound into Simon's silky, chocolate-coloured haired, pulling the doctor's face even closer, deepening the kiss even more, until both were breathless.

They pulled apart to take in much needed oxygen, and Simon surveyed the beautiful, flushed features of his lover-to-be. Sea-blue eyes darkened with desire, lips full with the kisses, slightly parted.

Mal, in turn, silently admired the sharp, angular features of the young man – little more than boy, really – before him; kiss-swollen lips, flawless, ivory skin. A sudden cold fear gripped him – what would this infinitely graceful, refined, beautiful creature see in a crude, uneducated crook like him?

'You're beautiful,' Mal sighed, his hand rising to, almost reverently, graze the doctor's lips.


	2. Part Two

Simon smiled, looking down shyly. He wasn't used to compliments of this sort – he'd been told he was clever, professional, a genius, even. But he'd never been called something so touchingly simple, and yet heartbreakingly wonderful as beautiful.

He moved yet closer, deft, nimble fingers beginning to work on the buttons of Mal's black shirt. When that garment was in a heap on the floor, Simon pressed splayed fingers to the well-muscled chest. There were old scars there, bullet hole ones and marks left by knives, laser burns and long, deep gashes that had been messily stitched together. There was a new cut on the shoulder, too, one that Simon himself that stitched less that a week ago.

Mal shivered under the scrutiny, the satin fingers cool against his skin.

'I haven't done this in a long time,' Mal explained, 'afraid I've lost my touch.'

'We're pretty much even, since I'm about as inexperienced as one could get,' Simon replied, and seeing Mal's wide eyes, clarified, 'oh, I've had lovers. Just nothing particularly enjoyable or, well, memorable. Plus, it was about eight years ago.'

'Eight years? Try beating fifteen,' Mal smiled bitterly, remembering the long nights he spent in his cold bed, sometimes tossing and turning, often simply weeping. He never let his crew see him break down. To them, he was rock-hard, he knew that, but the loneliness often drove him near insanity. 'I was eighteen last time I slept with a girl. Never had male lovers.'

'There's always place for something new,' Simon said in a voice that sent delicious shivers down Mal's spine. 'Lie down.'

Mal obeyed. Simon ran his hands along Mal's waist, moved upwards until their mouths met once more. Simon deftly manoeuvred himself between Mal's legs, as the captain's hands traced the curve of the doctor's spine.

Simon's mouth slipped off Mal's and moved to working his neck, sucking here and licking there. Mal thought a firework exploded behind his eyelids as Simon reached a particularly sensitive spot behind his ear.

He wanted to say something, to make some exclamation of pleasure, but all he managed was something unintelligible.

After that, all was pretty much a blur. Somehow, Mal discovered he was naked and under the covers, Simon's warm and equally naked body pressing against his. Moments, or possibly several wonderful, sunlit days - no, passion-filed decades – later he was being driven to insanity by the doctor's skillful and gentle hands, and it was so gorram good that every shred of rational thought that lingered in Mal's mind fled, leaving him to enjoy the heavenly, new, sensation.

He lost all sense of time. What did it matter, anyway, when there were them, their bodies, their hands, legs, their heat, their passion. Voices bounced off the walls, sometimes cursing, sometimes screaming names, sometimes talking gibberish, sometimes simply gasping for air.

'Si,' Mal exclaimed, clinging to the neck of the younger man like a starving man to the only piece of bread, 'I need you... No more teasing...'

Simon, who had, by his own teasing, almost made himself mad with desire, complied. Together, they climbed the peak of pleasure, and seemed to cease to exist whatsoever as they toppled of it. Dissolving in sheer, pure, undiluted pleasure, disappearing one in another, dying and being born, perfectly happy and yet full of despair, all at the same time.

Simon collapsed next to Mal, spent and sated, body glowing with content, mind blissfully free of every single negative thought.

Mal's eyes were closed as he wound his hands around Simon's waist. He nuzzled his face into his lover's neck. Now he understood why he had waited all these years. This was worth it – every pleasure-filled instant, every tiny, yet frighteningly vivid emotion, every touch and caress.

'That was -' Simon exhaled, basking in the afterglow, eyes half-closed.

' - wonderful -' Mal contributed with a smile.

'- like -'

' - warm champagne... Hot chocolate...' Mal finished off.

'You know, I never thought you were that romantic,' Simon propped himself up on his elbows.

'Lots you don't know about me,' Mal grinned with his characteristic grin, but there was none of his usual cockiness – just a boyish sort of playfulness.

'I bet. You've always been a dark horse, Mal.'

'We're similar, then.'

Simon raised an elegant eyebrow.

'What?' Mal grinned, gentle hand ruffling the doctor's dark, tousled hair, 'you ain't exactly the most sociable person. Hardly ever heard you speak about your past.'

'There's too much pain in my past,' Simon said simply, lovely face turning sad, 'loss. Anger. Bitterness. Misunderstanding. Loneliness. I used to wake up, get dressed, got to work, come home, sleep. And yet all that mundane routine was not performed by me. I wasn't there, see. I was with River, every single moment. I could not care less about romance, or about what I wanted.'

'You love her.'

'Yes. Hell, I've given all I had for her – my parents included – and I wouldn't have it any other way. At least now she is with me, safe. She's the only family I have.'

'You have me now,' Mal murmured, pulling Simon closer. He placed a lingering kiss on the younger man's forehead. 'No more chattering 'bout sad things, ok? Sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow.'

A sudden thought came into Simon's head. Something so awfully obvious, and yet he had not thought of it before.

'Mal,' he said, quietly, 'should we tell the others?'

Mal winced - the same thought had entered his mind. There were certainly going to be some problems.

'I said - sleep,' he replied gruffly, 'everything – tomorrow.'

Simon obeyed, laying his head on the pillow and closing his eyes. A moment later, a pair of warm hands wound around his waist. He smiled, to no-one in particular, and quite soon was asleep. For the first time in months he slept peacefully.

* * *

Hours later he awoke, to find the bed cold and empty. He rose, still groggy from sleep, and began groping around for some clothes. Strangely enough, the lights were off.

After he had found a shirt and trousers, he went out into the corridor. It was empty. There were no lights in the other bunks, either. Most peculiar.

He made his way past the kitchen, sitting-corner and into the cockpit. Mal was sitting in the pilot's chair, looking out at the landscape. Wait, landscape? Was the boring, seemingly never-ending nothingness of space?

'Mal?' Simon placed a gentle hand on the older man's shoulder. 'Um, where are we?'

'We docked when you were asleep. Didn't you feel anything?'

'No...' Simon raised an eyebrow, 'but I do find that very surprising. Its not like a docking is something that is easy to sleep through.'

Mal swiveled around in his chair. His face was uncharacteristically relaxed, and a tiny smile tugged at the edges of his mouth.

'I guess you were exhausted after almost three hours we spent together,' he said haughtily, 'and anyway, Wash took us down nice and quiet. For once.'

'Where's everyone?'

'I sent them all out. Zoe dragged Wash to some firearms exhibition, and Jayne went with them. Book took River to the local park, and Kaylee and Inara went clothes shopping. I talked them out of waking you and offered to stay and watch the ship.'

'So we're alone?'

'Absolutely,' Mal grinned, 'any ideas?'

'Lots,' Simon grabbed the captain's hand and pulled him out of the chair. 'Follow me.'


End file.
